I’ve been living with a somewhat mildish depression for several months now. It’s always been off and on for many, many years (if not my entire life). This time around, I’m not saying ‘struggling with’ because, I guess due to the perceived degree of it, it’s not winning just now. It’s just as heavy as it’s ever been – like a thick, wet blanket I can’t throw off – but maybe because it’s no longer a surprise to me when it sneaks up and then sticks around, or it’s no longer a new thing, I feel more… resigned to it, I think. Like, it’s something that’s just there so it’s not so much a fight. It used to feel like a horrible injustice. Like, ‘how dare you do this to me?!’ Now it’s just like, ‘oh, it’s you again’.
I’ll wait it through. I always do. But life does feel pretty sucky right now, even though there is absolutely nothing wrong, and it makes getting up off my ass and making the positive changes I want to see next to impossible.