I’ve come to the realization lately that the way I process time is different than other people.
There is a quote Edward says to Bella in New Moon about the Volturi:
“Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days.”
I used to think I was exceptionally lazy. That could still be true but when it takes me a long time to get around to something, I don’t think laziness is all to be accounted for. Days pass before I think of something I said I would do passes through my mind again, unless I wrote myself a note. Months pass before I get around to non-essential things, like booking appointments or setting up dates with friends. It just took me 3 years to get back to my doctor for a check up. I am the Volturi. The passing of time doesn’t mean the same thing to me.
I realized in high school that I move much slower than most people. I was actually tying my shoes when it clicked. My friend was rushing me and complaining I was always so slow doing everyday things like that. I hadn’t noticed. I thought about it afterwards and correlated it with my mom saying I was late to do a lot of milestone things like walking or being independent in that regard, but that it wasn’t a developmental delay. More that I was just not taking any risk until I was confident in my ability. I think that might be partially correct but I think it’s more than that. I just move at a slower pace.
My theory about this is how my brain processes things. I’ve been told I “think too much”. Just yesterday, a friend told me I needed to relax and didn’t have to put that much thought into something that wasn’t that important. I kind of laughed to myself. That’s like telling me not to breathe or stop my hair from growing. I don’t think things through for fun. It’s just how it goes. Pondering is an essential part of who I am.
Putting these two things together makes sense. Of course everything I do seems slow to everyone else. It takes time to process everything.
This is not to say AT ALL that I am some sort of calculating genius who sees the ins and outs of every little thing. Opposite actually. I am not great at seeing the big picture. And sometimes, I’m not even present in the moment and paying attention to what I’m doing. I’m not always going over the steps needed to tie my shoes or noting how the laces feel on my fingers or listening to what’s being said to me while I do it, or observing what’s going on around me at the time. I can be oddly unobservant at times.
But I am always thinking about something and I frequently interrupt myself. You might notice this post is a bit disjointed. I started talking about time and moved to thinking. (I also rearranged things as I went to try to make it more cohesive.) That’s my brain. I often set myself off on tangents.
Trying to stay on topic – yeah, so time doesn’t move at the same pace because my brain is trying to catch up with reality. Or something like that.
You know, I started writing this with a solid idea and purpose. Now it’s just a mess.