You can’t hide from what you subconsciously really think when you’re asleep. Your dreams strip you naked and show you all your insecurities. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself things don’t matter, one night can remind you that’s all bullshit.
I hate that I’m reduced to being a helpless child when I close my eyes. I’m reminded of things that don’t matter – SHOULDN’T matter – anymore. For those few minutes, I’m totally at the mercy of other people and I despise the fact that it takes so little to crush me. I’m mad at myself for being affected. Reduced to a mess of tears when all I want it to just be over it. I’m an adult now. I’m stronger than that. I don’t care if someone doesn’t care about me.