I’m gonna share this dream I had so you can see how my brain likes to fuck with me. Other people get nice sex dreams and this is the shit I get? No fair!

So~ my friend (who I will not name to spare her the secondhand embarassment) and I were out researching Twilight filming locations (like we did in real life for our awesome guide – check that out) and ended up at one of the high schools. Then this guy I knew when I went to high school was there. This guy was considered by most of the female population to be “the hottest guy in school” – our ‘Edward’, if you will. I was never attracted to him though even though I could appreciate the prettiness of his face (and body, in hindsight). He came right up to me and was talking to me only inches from my face. It’s been years since I’ve seen him but I vaguely remember his voice, which sounds nothing like PFach, although that’s how my subconscious portrayed it today. Weird.  He kept SURREPTITIOUSLY trying to look down my shirt, so I just gave him the go ahead to ogle away. Which he did. Then all of a sudden, he was kissing me. Then mouth fucking me. Not in the good way, like in Pucked. In a way that was like he was trying to get my tongue to orgasm. Like one might use their tongue against a clit. Like fast and flicky and… gyraty. I tried to maintain kissing him like a normal person and hoping he’d follow suit, but no such luck. Now, I haven’t kissed a lot of guys personally, but I have a feeling people don’t usually do this. It was unpleasant, to say the least. His hand also kept drifting down and… grazing… things. I kept smacking it away. Pity, cause the dream might have taken an enjoyable turn in that case.  I remember thinking he was sucking all the moisture out and my mouth was going dry and I felt like I was going to choke. And that’s when I woke up.  

WTF, brain? Analyze THAT.