Why Did I Say That?

I have been obsessed – OBSESSED – lately by a specific TV show on Oprah’s network ~Super Soul Sunday.

super soul sunday.png

Those that I’m closest to know this already because I won’t stop talking about it. I think it’s so important in the world right now. I wish I could force everyone on the planet to watch it. In it, Oprah has a conversation with various thinkers and spiritual leaders. They discuss different aspects of getting it touch with what really matters.
I get so excited about it because I’m totally into this whole spiritual awakening thing. I am big on compassion and being present and gratitude and the law of attraction, etc. Each episode of the show delves into some or all of these. It’s thought provoking – making me think deeply on a lot of different things. Every time I watch it, I have moment after moment of discovery, understanding, and recognition.

I was talking to my dad the other day. I can’t remember now what about but I brought up the show.
In the past, he has been very resistant to any type of thought that doesn’t match up with his own. When I was interested in some of the aspects of Buddhism and Taoism in high school, he had said something like I had no need to look any further than my own (his own) Christian beliefs. That was the only truth that mattered. It was as if anything that wasn’t part of Christianity was a direct attack on his belief system.
After many conversations like this, I learned to just keep anything “different” to myself. I’m not sure if his views have changed at all recently but I also know that the older people get, the more rigid in their beliefs they can become. And I know some other topics, he has not budged at all on – so it’s unlikely anything has changed.
Knowing this, when I mentioned the show, I downplayed it. I shrugged off something I actually feel very strongly about by describing it as “one of those hippy-dippy type of shows.” This isn’t even a phrase in my normal vocabulary. It’s something he says a lot.

I have no idea why I did that and felt like an inauthentic asshole afterwards. Sometimes it’s like my parents make me regress into this fearful child who can’t stand up for what she believes in. It’s weird and disconcerting.

(originally posted to wohngsikneuih)

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