So my mom basically belittled my interests and the things I like doing in my spare time. She actually said, when I was talking about what my friends and I do for our friend’s blog, that “we all need lives”. She said it with such derision too. I said I’m unemployed – what else am I supposed to do with my time.
She goes on and on about her trips and stuff. Because, of course, world travel is an acceptable use of time. it’s something cultured, educated people do. Things I do are a waste of time and talent. Never mind that I actually enjoy it.
And it pisses me off because part of me buys into her ideals. I was raised that way. There are high-brow and low-brow forms of entertainment. Clearly, I am not living up to what I was raised to do.
Pisses me off too because that’s such a blanket statement to make – that, my own use of time aside, my friends need lives. She knows nothing about them. She doesn’t know how hard they work doing other “life” stuff. They deserve the time to do something fun and frivolous in what little spare time they actually have. Who cares if it serves no greater purpose other than entertaining themselves and other people? Why is that bad? And I actually think it’s great to be able to focus the remaining energy we all have after real with our “real lives” into something .
She has no idea the things she says are hurtful. I never call her on her bullshit. It’s not worth it. And most of the time, I don’t even realize it until after the fact. I am just left with a resentful feeling, and an emptiness I can’t describe. For most of my life, I’ve felt like it was me that was failing to connect with her and that she can’t possibly be as bad as the feelings I have about her make her out to be. I’m lucky this time I was able to pinpoint exactly what it was that she said and how it made me feel. Usually after I speak to her, I am just angry and don’t even know why.