While I was in Hong Kong, I got another tattoo. This makes 4 (which will have to be remedied soon!). I was if-y about sharing it with anyone because, as most tattoos generally are, it’s personal, and I don’t think that comes across without explanation. And who wants to be explaining all the time ~ if anyone even bothers to ask without judging first.
But, whatever, I did it for me. No one else. If you are wondering though, here is as much as I feel like sharing with you:
I got four words (actually five… but… who cares). They are song lyrics. The words are “distant, disconnected, far away, unaffected”. The lyrics are by Sam Bradley from his song “The Man You Need”. The reason they are personally significant to me don’t really have too much to do with the actual meaning of the song. Well, a bit…
The song is from the point of view of someone in a relationship who feels he will never be what the other person needs but they are together because they love each other anyway. So… there’s that, which does fit.
But I chose these exact words as a reminder to myself. You may or may not know the struggles I’ve had with depression and related crap in my life. I lived for at least a decade with my head in a fog and just coasting through everything. Existing, not living. I was behaving as though those words were my mantra. More recently, I’ve decided that’s no way to be. I’ve been trying to make changes. Be more present, be a better friend, wife, sister, and person in general.
The font is important too. I got the most important people in my life to each write a word. They each represent the side of me I want to change.
“Distant” was written by hubby. That he was first was no mistake. He is the most important person to me. My most important person. Also, I had distanced myself from him for too long. I almost lost him. Things are not yet perfect but we’re working on it.
“Disconnected” was written by my sister. I love my sister more than anything but there has always been a disconnect between us that I hate and want to work towards being closer.
“Far away” was written by Nephie (and helped by my niece). They represent family as a whole (as well as children in general ~ the children I may teach and the children I don’t yet have). I live very far from my extended family. And I haven’t taken the time to keep them in my life as I should. We all know how important family is ~ no need to go over that. I’ve taken my family for granted. That should never happen.
The final word, “unaffected” was written by my longtime, very good friend. She has always been there for me, even though I’ve never deserved it. Over the years, I’ve been a terrible friend. I lost most of the friends I used to have due to my behaviour. I’ve acted like my friends meant nothing to me and losing them or missing out on important things in their lives didn’t affect me. It’s easier sometimes to pretend that you don’t care rather than face reality, admit mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. I always want to be the kind of friend that she has been to me.
Maybe having this inked permanently on my ribs where I will see it everyday will help me be the person I want to be.
Oh, and I did it in Hong Kong to serve as a commemoration of my trip and to act as a turning point in my life. Also, Sam Bradley lived in Hong Kong for three years as a young child ~ like the age of the ones I was just there teaching, which is kinda cool.
It was done by Zac at Zink Tattoos in Tsim Sha Tsui, Hong Kong.
Here’s the song. It’s my favourite. Sam is awesome.
(originally posted to wohngsikneuih)