I Just Don’t Know…

It’s a bleak day for Twihards and Robsteners. I was gonna leave this one alone (apart from my lamenting on Twitter) but I have thoughts in my head I would like to dispose of. I’ve been awake for more than 24 hours and I’d like to get some sleep but I can’t.

I won’t go into the details of “the situation”. We all know what it is.

But I will state my support of and love for both Kristen and Rob. If you’ve read any of my other postings, you’ll know I’m a fan of both and what has allegedly happened doesn’t change that. I believe they are both amazing people. People… Operative word. Humans. Real. Not perfect, fictitious vampires. And people make mistakes. And clearly, if what has been said truly transpired (I’m still hoping against hope that it isn’t true!), a grave mistake was made.

But, odds are, with the new “official statement” out, it’s most likely true. Based on that assumption, I am truly heartbroken.

Not just for the reasons you would think. Yes, it’s horrible to be so wrapped up and invested emotionally in the happiness of another relationship (other than your own), especially of celebrities over whom you have no control, only to have them go through difficulties and/or, God forbid, split. (*ouch* It hurts!)

Being a famous couple, one who portrays and therefore embodies the fictional couple they brought to life, we hold them up on a pedestal. It’s not fair for them, but that’s life. We want them to have that pure true love we envision them possessing and we are devastated when it doesn’t work out that way. We thought they would beat the odds of costar romance cliché of not being able to last. We thought they we’re so in love and absolutely perfect together. MFEO! (I still think that.) But, like a kid who has just found out Santa Claus isn’t real (What?!), reality hits. There is no perfect love that makes it through all adversity and last for eternity. Bella and Edward do not really exist. We just really wanted them to and projected that onto them. At least I did…

And because we are so tied up in them, we hurt for them as well. What must they both be feeling right now?! It makes me nauseous to even think about it. When I think of how I felt each time I saw Rob look at Kristen with all that love written plainly all over his face… to think of seeing the hurt and betrayal there instead. Stop right there! I can’t do it! And Kristen… knowing what she can’t take back and having to live with it. Uh!

But all of that, the disillusionment of getting the proverbial wind knocked out of you, the pain you feel for them in their behalf, is not the only reason why I’m feeling so unbelievably sad now. It’s all about my own loss. I’m a selfish person, I guess.

I cannot stop seeing those pictures and hearing the words. It can’t be undone. How am I supposed to suspend that when I watch them together in the Twilight movies now? I need a big ass bottle of bleach to wash out the inside of my head. Even reading the books and hearing the music is tearing at me right now. It feels tainted.

My beloved Twilight! Truth be told, I don’t have much else going on in my life right now and sometimes it can be a real struggle. I NEED Twilight! It’s my escape. It brings me happiness.

I hope the feelings I’m having right now when I think of watching the movies fade… quickly! Not saying all of this has ruined Twilight or anything but the emotions I experience when I read and watch, the ones I have come to rely on, the power of it… isn’t the same. Tainted. That’s the only way I can think of to describe it.

And all before Part 2 comes out…

I’m going to stop there before I start to cry (again) and try to get some sleep. Maybe I’ll feel better when I wake up.

(originally posted on Eat. Sleep. Breathe. Twilight.)

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