The sky is a weird green colour. Greyish green. Slightly sickly. Seems very fitting. What’s that called when the weather matches what’s going on in a story? My brain is on low battery right now and I’m having a hard time concentrating.
It’s been raining off and on all day and night. I slept with the window open to enjoy it even though it’s cold. When I finally got out of bed, the value of light was so lovely. Comforting. Most people would call it gloomy but it gave me a little surge.
Now it’s almost setting. The sky looks weird. Not green like when there is a summer storm. More like… the sky looks befuddled. And that’s how I’m feeling. Entirely unsure of what to think, feel, or do.
Pathetic fallacy. That’s the term.
I am so full of thoughts. The constant bombardment of… things. But they aren’t thoughts in language. I can’t make sense of any of them. And they aren’t really emotions either. I don’t really feel much of anything – maybe because I was feeling too much so I’ve dissociated or something. I’m not sure. I feel hazy and confused. And, no, in case you’re wondering, I’m not on anything. And I got enough sleep. And I’ve been awake for several hours.
I’m just overwhelmed by nothingness.
I have a few vague, worded thoughts bouncing around in my brain and a few loosely labelled feelings I can pinpoint, but most of the current chaos is just like being suspended in a swirling vat of squishy goo.
All I can say really to explain it to someone outside myself is that, right now, I feel the very essence of what it is to be me. I was given a new lens to understand me last year and I’m still wrestling with it and trying to work it out. Sometimes, it’s great. Other times, like now, it’s… incomprehensible.