Soooo… I have now been back from Hong Kong for, what, a year and a half now? OMG. And I really do hate myself for this. I have forgotten so much. I have a few notes up to day 12, but I’ve lost all the interesting anecdotes and tidbits. The emotions that went with everything are hazy. Just… ugh, so upset with myself for not keeping this blog up.
I mean, I KINDA knew this would happen, because the same thing happened with my Japan trip blog. But I started off so well! The problem was, again, that I tried to make it too much. If I had just done simple, small posts… little bits at a time. Tiny thoughts here and there, it would have been awesome. ‘Cause really, we packed SO MUCH into that month. It was amazing. Definitely a once-in-a-lifetime thing. But it was also somewhat crushing to me. I had such a hard time when I was there, not necessarily with the whole being in another country thing (although, at times, that was incredibly difficult), but just the actual “work”. No one else that went seemed to go through that.

As I said, I’ve been back for a year and a half, and I completely stagnated since then. I have literally not done a thing since coming home. The experience was awesome, and, as people do, I found out so much about myself through it, but… I also lost myself.

I spent two years in ECE, and even though I was always kind of feeling kind of lukewarm towards the idea of teaching in a preschool, I still just went along assuming I’d get a job in “the field” at least for a little while. Or go back to school to upgrade.

Yeah. That’s not happening. Working in Hong Kong kind of destroyed my confidence. Everyone else seemed to slide right in and take initiative and ‘do well’. That was not the case with me. I feel like I barely scraped by. The entire time, I felt this weight on me of “I can’t do this”.

Maybe it’s me being exceptionally hard on myself like I always am. Maybe it’s looking back and not seeing it clearly. Or maybe, and I think this is really the case… I’m just not meant to teach. Not in that capacity anyway.

So, feeling this way, how can I possibly go out and get a job with my confidence shattered that way? Can’t, really…

This was so NOT supposed to be the point in this update. Sorry!

What I meant to come here to say is that I am finally “in the mood” to upload pictures and whatever else I can remember. All posts will be back dated but they won’t be written in present tense (except day 7, because I wrote something on that day and saved it in the drafts). That’s all. Enjoy!

Oh, check out these videos I made for the next batch of interested students. Our group reunited at the 2014 information session to give a presentation. (I’m not supposed to share part 2 because it’s pictures of the schools and the kids but since no one will probably ever see in anyway, I’m posting it.)

(originally posted to ngohheuiheunggong)

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3 Responses to I FAIL!

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