I hate feeling this way. And I hate that no one understands how I feel. Not even me. I have so much going on inside me but it’s locked away. I can’t let it out no matter how much I may want to.
It’s like someone has scrubbed me all over, inside and out, with sandpaper and then thrown me into a pool of acid. I am on the verge of tears constantly. It makes it very hard to enjoy anything else. I try to push the negativity aside to deal with later so that I can be a part of the good things going on around me, but they won’t be ignored.
My stomach is in knots and I can’t keep the little food I manage to swallow inside me. I toss and turn, trying to fall asleep, only to be jerked awake again when I finally get there. My skin is crawling and my whole body feels like it’s burning. I can’t breathe.
I feel totally pathetic for getting so worked up over things everyone else just does with no issue. I know I need to be a grown up and contribute but I desperately do not want to. The more I try, the more I want to hide away in my house and never speak to anyone else ever again.