I don’t like to talk to people anymore. I keep forgetting that and trying to because, well, it’s gets lonely in your own little world. But living in your own world, on a different plane from other people, is insanely frustrating! When I do attempt to talk to other people, I feel like we are having two different conversations.
What is it about the societal conventions of conversation that make people respond with unrelated things just for something to say? I will never understand that.
My own insecurities don’t help matters either. I don’t know if I’m just out of the habit of making small talk but it’s terrifying now. I never know what to say or how to respond or even how to just stand there without being super awkward. It takes so much effort to do this weird dance everyone else seems to have no problem with and it’s exhausting. I want to try less and less and less.
Face-to-face has always been difficult so I resorted to mostly talking online for many years. Now even that is strained. I just don’t relate to anyone anymore.
I should just be a hermit.
Too bad I don’t like cats…